 |
OK, maybe Marilyn
deserves her rankin' |
The obvious and correct answer to the questions in this blog’s title is
behind door #3, "We don’t know yet". But that’s no fun and would make for another
really short post so let’s take a few early jabs at the media’s attempt to
prefigger it and their veiled desire to keep their perennial top 20 darlin’s…well…
in the top 20, whether they deserve it or not!
#1 – USC – L'il Lane Kiffin's face lift, fake boob, Hollywood
pretty boys from Southern Cal beat up on that buncha dope smokin’, surfer dudes
from the 50th state and… so what? I guess if they can get by Oregon
on Nov 3 the media’ll have'em in the BCS Championship Game!
 |
| Now this is a Crimson Tide! Scary, huh? |
#2 - Alabama
– I thought this one’d be hard fer even the maggot-infested media
girls to screw up but I think they may have underrated Nick and his boys a
hair. Is there a way to vote a team #1 and the team right behind’em #6? I’m
thinkin’ that’s about as close as the next team is to the Crimp-son Tide. I’ll
bet Brady Hoke, at the obligatory, post-game, mid-field coach’s hug, whispered somethin’
like this in coach Satan’s ear, “Thanks for bein’ a gentleman, callin’ off the
dogs, and not embarrassin’ us on national TV as much as you could’ve.”
 |
| Does this really need an explanation? |
#3 – LSU – Who knows? You beat the Mean Green from the University of North Texas (who BTW, take their “Mean
Green” nickname from an alumni. You mighta heard of Joe; used to sell Coca Cola and play defensive tackle for
the Pittsburgh Steelers; has 4 or 5 Super Bowl rings) and...again... so what? We’ll see if the Hat
can survive without his Honey Badger who’s currently on administrative leave visitin' John Lucas at a dryin’ out house in Houston
(that’s Dryinout House, not Dryin’ Outhouse).
#4 – Oklahoma
– The media loves them some OU and Bobby Stoops. I like the heck out of’em
myself but I’m always scared to death to rank’em too high real early or real
late. 24-6 over UTEP (I’ll bet at least half UTEP’s players have a Juarez address and are green cardless) ain’t
what Boomer Sooner was expectin’ or shoulda received. Bobby’s got him some
coachin’ to do.
 |
Maybe we'll see these guys on a
fashion runway someday. |
#5 – Oregon – A word to the wise and Oregon's funny, little, Italian defensive coordinator, Nick Aliotti - Better learn how to stop some folks from scorin’ if
you wanna win a National Championship or just settle on bein' that nice little PAC 12 team that puts on jaw droppin’ offensive displays and fashion shows every weekend. 34’s a lot to give up,
especially to the Red Wolves of Arkansaw State!
#6 – Georgia
– I think Coach Mark Richt plans to win games like this. He won 9 of his 10 last year with the same format - play just good enough to win but not so
good as to hurt the other team’s feelins. Any team who plays Jaw-jah has got to
feel like they’re never out of it. The Dawgs gotta learn how to step on some
throats 'fore they're gonna contend.
 |
Lots of ACC football wins for
Osceola and Renegade to spear |
#7 – Florida State – Well, if yer gonna be rated this high you
might as well flex yer muscle against some one-year-wonder-neon-uniformed
basketball school like Murray
State. We’ll see if Jimbo
& Chief Osceola are as badass against some better competition. Hell, they
play in the ACC! This is a conference chock fulla basketball titans and Seminole
football wins. If they're not 12-0 goin’ into the bowl season they should be
sentenced to the Weedeater Bowl!
 |
This is when Michigan was good!
1940 Heisman winner, Tom Harmon. |
#8 – Michigan
– See (#2) ‘Bama above. If you wanna see a media darlin’, just Google you up some
images for Michigan
football. Yeah, they had a nice year last year goin’ 11-2 but the previous 3
seasons they were 7-6, 5-7, and 3-9! Who gets the I’m-votin’-you-in-the-top-10-after-one-decent-season-in-a-previously-vaunted-conference other than Michigan?
There are a few others but none with the stayin’ power of the Wol-VI-Reens. They
got a nice football team but still need to prove it on the field just like
everyone else!
#9 – South Carolina – I thought I saw Coach Superior start cryin’
on the sidelines (what’s new?) when his current quarterback/whippin’ boy,
Connor Shaw, hurt himself tryin’ to find a place to hide from a unit of irate
naval officers (aka – Commodores for all you former footballers who are suin’
the NFL over yer concussions. What’d you think was gonna happen to yer gray matter
before you started playin’ anyway? It’s a funny thing... no one made you play, you
had a good time and/or made a lot of money while doin' it, and you wouldn’t change a thing if
you had the chance to any way. So what if you can’t think for yourself now? Could
you ever?). But…I digress (imagine that). The real question here is, “Is South
Carolina not that good or are we underestimatin’ James Franklin and his
Nashvillians (Gamecocks 17 - Vanderbilt 13)?” We’ll see.
 |
Current "pig" & former
Razorback coach, Bobby Petrino |
#10 – Arkansas - The Pigs (no, Arkansas did not get their mascot from their
previous coach, Bobby Petrino; although it would be apropos) got this rankin’ based
on last year’s success and bein’ in the SEC. I figure new coach John L. Smith’ll
have’em back to mediocrity in no time! 49-24 over Jacksonville State
ain’t bowlin’ me over at this point! Maybe JSU’s mascot, a Gamecock, scared the
Hogs a little. Get ready Razorbacks, it gets scarier!
Other media darlin’ notables:
Recent media darlin’ Stanfred (#21) eeked one out over the
mighty Aztecs of San Jose St. 20-17. Good bye Andrew Luck, good bye top 50!
 |
Culture shock for Danny O'Brien
going from Terrapin prison issues
to timeless Badger Red and White! |
Were the (#12) Wisconsin Badgers lookin’ down their snouts at Northern Iowa or have they gone to the ACC
quarterback well one too many times? This 26-21 nail-biter's already got the Wisconsin teacher's union makin' fun of Coach Bielema's name (I hear they've been callin' him Coach "Bulimia". That's just mean spirited and unhelpful!)
 |
| Hey Jerk, stay away from this stuff on my nightstand! |
Will Muschamp must have a handla Jack sittin’ beside a
basket of Lunexor on his night table to help him sleep, or more accurately, pass
out at night! The Peter Principle may have kicked in at (#23) Florida when they
hired Will away from bein’ Texas’ head-coach-in-waitin’ to lead the Gators back
to the promised land. A 27-14 win in their own Swamp last Saturday against that
terror from the MAC, Blowin’ Green, ain’t exactly what I call a bullyin’ around.
Texas is probably still sendin’ thank you
notes to Jeremy Foley, Florida’s
AD!
Speakin’ of Texas
(#15), they’ve still got a ways to go to get back to where their overblown ego, Longhorn Sports Network, and preseason rankin’ say they oughta be. They played against “The Tribute to
the UPS Uniform”, Wyoming (these have to be the ugliest uni’s in the
BCS), in their home pasture and come away sportin’ a 37-17 win. The Horns
musta been more worried ‘bout steppin’ in meadow muffins than puttin’ a beat
down on the Cowboys. Yeah, it’s a win, but I’ll bet Longhorn fans ain’t
purchasin’ any Big 12 championship tickets just yet.
 |
Now that's "Bad Hair"!!
Maybe the mullet's still hot in WVA! |
West-By-God (#11) might be the new feared Head of State in
the Big 12. Dana “Bad Hair” Holgersen figures he’ll just out score everybody he
plays! After that 70-33 rout of Climpson in the Orange Bowl last year, “Bad
Hair” and his Mountaineers hung 69 on their hated in state rivals We-Are-Marshall in
this year’s first game. Who in their right mind would spot the other team 30
and still bet they’re gonna win? “Bad Hair” would!
Time will tell how each of these teams rates against their
competition. Until then, let's enjoy watchin' and tryin’ to figure it out!
 |
Aaaahhh, National Champs!
Has a nice ring, doesn't it? |
