Saturday, February 20, 2021

Karen sighting at Vandy

If Sarah Fuller, the only qualified substitute kicker available to the Vanderbilt football team for the last 2 games of the 2020 season after their starter went down with an ingrown nail in his plant-foot-pinkie-toe, ain't the poster-girl for a Vandy social justice ad campaign, then I can smoke dope, eat soap, and float home in a bubble! I got a chance to interview Sarah after the season (in my own head) and here are some of my take-aways:

She was disappointed about her first game vs Missouri which only gave her a shot at one kick off and no FG or XP attempts. Accordin' to every media source who covered or didn't cover the game, she deftly executed the pre-planned, 30-ish yard squib kick and ran the hell off the field perfectly, just as she was coached. I could tell she was bummed not bein' allowed to snot-bubble one of those Mizzou pusses to show'em what "Play Like A Girl" really means. 

Sarah was vibe-bombed again the very next week when her game vs the Georgia Bulldogs got cancelled caus'a COVID. I heard the Bulldog team members were relieved as they had already secretly taken a vote not to play Vandy if there were even a popsicles chance vs a flamethower of Sarah "The Silverback" Fuller gettin' in the game to handout the asswhoopins they heard she was capable of.

She finally got a chance to show-off her extraordinary, female athletic talents by nailin' a coupla 20 yd XP's against Tennessee in her final game! No one, includin' the other two kickers on the Vandy team who hadn't missed an XP all year, has ever split the uprights more perfectly! 

When asked why her mysoginistic, interim head-coach, Todd Fitch, didn't allow her to kick-off or attempt either of the two FG's Vandy tried versus the Vols (a 39 and 54 yarder), Sarah said, "With team unity and comeraderie in mind, I told Todd to let Pierson (Cooke) have a shot at playin', even though he ain't as good as me. I also didn't realize how physically and emotionally exhaustin' it was gonna be posin' as Vanderbilt's social justice puppet (which, in retrospect, did take quite a bit of focus off our 0-9 football season) and also puttin' myself through all that media attention I so desperately wanted. In the end, I was just outta gas after the XP's and needed a blow."  

So, the bottom line is Sarah proved she could make a 20 yd XP, execute a 30 yard squib kick and get off the field before any actual football started takin' place, and...oh yeah... make a helluva halftime speech without gettin' her ass handed to her by the other players on the team (a fundamental problem that speaks a lot to their winless record... but I digress as usual). But she ain't "woman" enough to kick-off into the end zone like most dude college kickers nor has FG range longer than the 38 yards stated in the article below (how 'bout the shortest Vandy FG attempt vs Tennessee was a 39 yarder, just a touch out of her 38 yd range, DRAT!) 

https://www.wjhl.com/sports/us-world-sports/she-scores-fuller-kicks-2-extra-points-for-vandy-vols-win/


I'm not sure who's idea this was, but if it were meant to be the best example of the physical equality of women and men in the sportin' world, Vandy either has idiots in their administration and and coaching staffs OR chose an ad agency equivalent to their 0-fer 2020 football season!

"Tragic"



I thought our reaction to COVID was bad and would never go away but somehow, this guy is like AIDS... we've found out how to live with it but there is no cure. Sports in general must currently be so shitty that even the sports writers, who are super-nerd-jock-sniffers and can usually dig up some timelier, inane shit to whine about (e.g. Tom Brady doing tequila shots after Super Bowl win #7), can't find anything more interestin' than to dust off this old story 'bout Kap's plight of supposedly bein' "black-balled" by the NFL for his "stance" (haha) on social justice while on company time (i.e. kneelin' durin' the pre-game National Anthem). 

Forgive me since I've already bitched 'bout this, but I wanna make sure everyone knows of the totally improbable, but still possible reason this dude ain’t currently in the NFL (and probably won't be again unless another dude or dudette who owns a big tech company, or a politician who is spendin' other people's money, becomes owner of an NFL franchise and needs a tax write-off and wants to be assured of a Nobel Prize, losin' record, and upside-down balance sheet just by signin' this guy). And the reason he ain't on anyone's roster is???.... (insert drum roll here... wait for it.... waaaaiiiit...) Cause winnin' and losin' is actually important!! Imagine that novel idea!?!? 
Here's the reality no one ever seems to speak about:

He has a good year and a half before the not-so-stoopid NFL DC's figger how to put the kibosh on his Super Mario World game! 17-6 is a great team record, I mean QB record, since they get all the credit for winnin' games. But the trend in the next 3 years ain't purty. His bestie was 8-8 right before the bed-shittin' began. That would be 3-16 for the 19 games he started in his last 2 years. (see his stats from profootballreference.com below) 


So are we to believe the reason said QB isn't currently a starter for an NFL franchise whose primary objective is to win Super Bowls is because he takes a knee for 3 1/2 minutes durin' a song before the game even starts??? Well then, riddle me this, why aren't the guys who are still takin' a knee during the Anthem still playin'???? See a 2020 photo of pre-game activities below:

  

If I were a bit more "woke" I would say absolutely, but I don't think I've become that jaded      
and stoopid yet. Believe me, if this guy could help an NFL team win, he would still be kneeling    with these other guys durin' the Anthem and standing behind center for some team who thinks he could help them win.