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Like there ain't enough trouble in the world already, we gotta have some college football players, their families and unsavory associates stirrin’ up some shit about gettin' paid for their athletic services. I've heard the argument 'bout how much money gets filtered through these college sports programs and how the evil money grubbers who run these institutions oughta share with the ballers who are packin'em in.
That all sounds purty good til you start lookin' into how much more of a f'd up mess it'd create. The NCAA can't even enforce the myriad of rules they've already conceived, much less try to figger a good system to pay these spoiled brats and how to afford it!
You'd think all these tree-huggin'-goody-two-shoes-save-the-world-Socialist-type college kids would wanna share the spoils of their success with the other less fortunate kids who actually have to pay to attend a university. You know, kinda the way they want folks who actually pay taxes to share with those who don’t? Well lah-dee-damn-dah, it seems these athletic mushmelons turn into Adam Smith Capitalists when they think somebody else is makin’ somethin' off their efforts! I wonder why they can’t just treat their little 3 or 4 year college stint like a tour in the Peace Corps or workin' as an intern for a gubment official?
Oh… all right… let’s say the NCAA somehow contracts spina bifida and knuckles under to the pressure of the whiney kids and their mommas and daddys and starts payin’em so they’ll shut the hell up. The next question’ll be “How much”? Mark Emmert and his band of pinheads at the NCAA say we pay’em a couple thousand for the year but the presidents of San Jose State, Cincinnati, Rutgers, Central Florida, and 93 others say their athletic programs are already upside down and they’re gonna be driven deeper in debt and eventually outta the ball playin’ business if they have to start payin’ a stipend too. Alabama, Ohio State, Michigan, Texas, and 19 others disagree and say their players deserve a higher standard than a paltry $2 grand a year and, since they are flush with (ill-gotten) cash, are suggestin’ they be allowed to deposit 15,000 tax-free simoleons (that they actually report) into each of their beneficiary's... I mean Student-Athlete's... bank account. We already got a problem with the money and that ain't even considerin' Title IX!
That’s right, Title IX is part of the 1972 Education Amendments to the 1964 Civil Rights Act. In summary it states that no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance. So if yer suckin’ off the government tit like most of these universities yer gonna have to pay all yer scholarship athletes the same without regard to sport or gender or you’ll have to get yer discriminatory snout outta the public feedin’ trough. OUCH! That’s gonna leave yet another red mark on somebody's bottom (line).
I know everyone thinks these university athletic programs are flush with cash but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. From the USA Today July 1, 2013:
Just 23 of 228 athletics departments at NCAA Division I public schools generated enough money on their own to cover their expenses in 2012. Of that group, 16 also received some type of subsidy — and 10 of those 16 athletics departments received more subsidy money in 2012 than they did in 2011.
OK, based on this info maybe we can agree that there’s a lot more goin’ on in a university’s athletics department (good and bad) than meets the eye. But the money generated by the 2 cash cow sports ain’t gonna be enough to pay these peckerwoods above and beyond what they’re already gettin'.
By the way, have we forgotten ‘bout the scholarship they get and what that entails? That gets’em a free place to stay, all you can eat, free text books, free tickets to other sportin’ events on campus, the best medical care they’ll ever have, and the chance to display their talents to NFL scouts who are givin’ every college football program an anal exam to find’em the next Jerry Rice hidin’ out at a Mississippi Valley State. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, you might actually earn yerself a bonafide education if you wanna work for it. So if, God forbid, you don’t hit the NFL lottery like you wet-dreamed about as a little kid, you might be able to do somethin’ other than become a politician or hold one of those Stop/Go signs on a rural two laner while the boys from the Physical Plant clean up the deer remains where Old Man McCoy just hit one with his pickup!
The NCAA just needs to grow’em a pair and tell these kids what’s what and stop lettin’ the inmates run the asylum! If I were King For A Day I'd gently put it to’em somethin’ like this:
Kids, in economic terms what we got here at yer NCAA is known as a monopoly. This means there ain’t no alternatives fer you nincompoops to display yer athletic wares fer the guys who are in the business of payin’ footballers AND have the educational opportunity of yer sorry lifetime which'll come in handy for the 98% of you that won't be cashin’ NFL paychecks. Ya see, the NFL’s made this rule (that’s right, they can make their own unfair rules, it’s their Monopoly Game) that you little jerkwads aren’t eligible for their draft until yer 3rd year after you were s'posed to've gradge-E-ated high school. That’s why ya’ll like to spend 3 or 4 years with us so we can pay for ya'll to get bigger, faster, stronger, and coached up fer yer football job interview every fall Saturday afternoon.
Otherwise, you’ll probably spend the next 3-5 in jail fer robbin' the White Oak Bar & Grill with yer ne’er-do-well high school buddies, Tito and BeefPlug. Believe me, it's gonna be a heck of a lot harder for the NFL scouts to find you in the Florida State Penitentiary than it'll be if yer playin’ strong safety for Slippery Rock!
Listen, we don’t mind payin’ fer you to have the opportunity of a lifetime ‘cause it’s a win-win. Havin’ a good football program generates money to help us offset some costs of those gubment required non-revenue sports. And the PR for our school from football is off the charts! That helps us raise even more money to support our professors and other scholarly pursuits (believe me, T Boone Pickens didn’t give Oklahoma State $500 million ‘cause they got a good debate team).
If you decide against the scholarship we're offerin we look forward to hearin' from ya to let us know what cell yer in at the “other” Big House. We'll send you a birthday card wishin' you all the best as we anticipate yer NFL debut the season after you make parole, or to wavin’ at ya from the car while yer holdin' the Stop/Go sign as we pass you on the way to recruit some more unprincipled young ball players who'll gladly catch what we're pitchin'. Tell Tito and BeefPlug we said Duh Huh. They'll know whatcha mean.
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So now the NCAA has totally thrown up the jugular and decided to embrace Name, Image, and Likeness to appease these whiney-ass bastards who care more about how many Twitter likes they get than how many touchdowns they score. Oh yeah, and that gaggle of former Southern Poverty Law Center sum bitches who're lookin' to milk these punks for every dime they can and boost their recognition on social media (ya know, like Michael Avenatti). And to whom did the NCAA kick the can down the road??? You got it, an institution who never saw a can kicked in their direction that didn't have dollar signs printed on it... the GUBMENT!!! What a great idea! I mean all these state GUBMENT's have already proven they got this money-handlin' thing mastered!! This is the end of college football as we know it.
Actually, this ain't a terrible idea fer the NCAA since they don't have authority to punish any of their actual rule-breakers. It also helps the ANTIFA youth camps from havin' to come up with the thong-stuffers to keep from breakin' that pesky Title IX rule the gubment enacted back in the day. The NCAA just head-faked this little financial quandry and, after the dust settled, the reeducation commune alums end up with the tab which includes the blessin' and oversight of their state's gubment!! Win-win for the NCAA.... 'cept fer maybe they'll put themselves outta business. Oh well, survival of the fittest and all ...
I could go on (and probably will in a later post) but as this is already pretty lengthy, even for me, I do have one more poser. It's a "chicken or the egg" job? So, if the NIL of a high school athlete is such that, even before pissin' a drop of on-field success at the college level, now requires payment through the school of their choice above and beyond the scholarship, why would said snot-nosed punk bother negotiatin' with any school to showcase their talents when they could just bypass that middleman stuff and go stright to bilkin' the public fer autographs, t-shirts, and appearance fees at car dealers and restaurnts? Guess they ain't all that hot yet. The money dudn't seem to start flowin' til ya align yerself with one of these launchin' pads. I can hardly wait to see how f'd up this gets!
BTW - these launchin' pads (aka - institutes of "higher learnin'") are guaranteed to find someone else who'll come play ball fer a shot at finishin' 16 years of school and playin' the game they love in turn for the current scholarship offer. Bottom line is these snot-nose, know-it-all, highschool, hard-ons need the launchin' pad more than the launchin' pad needs them. Maybe someone'll create a 3-year, semi-pro football league that'll keep these money grubbers relevant and flush with dead presidents between high school and that slam-dunk entry into the NFL so college ball can get back to the business of the STUDENT-athlete.
