Time Machine

So the Tar Babies've decided to try the time-machine trick to resuscitate their gridiron program by liberatin' Mack Brown from his 5 year stint in "moth ball jail" (AKA - a talkin' head on some college football halftime show that, while on air skillfully breakin' down the first half, we're takin' a piss, reloadin' the chips & salsa bowl, and refillin' the empty 16 ouncer from the kegorator. See also: Tommy Bowden, Dave Wannstedt, Rex Ryan, Bill Cowher, Jimmy Johnson, etc...)!

I used to be here
awonderin' what I'sa doin'.....

                   

...now I'm here
awonderin' what I'ma doin'!

      

He put up a coupla 10 win seasons at UNC 2 years before Texas took out their 
money clip and slapped him around the room with it til he agreed to be their coach!

No caption needed

I reckon' the Tar Holes coulda done a lot worse. Mackadoo is a guy who possesses silver tongue pickup lines so smooth he could recruit the panties off Elle McPherson and all her model pals, has as many National Championship rings (1) as all the other current ACC head coaches...COMBINED (Dabo, of course, currently has one), and ended up doin' purty good the last time he was strollin' the sidelines in Kenan Stadium. 

Classic!

My first big ???? is, "At 67, after havin' been outta coachin' football for 5 solid years, is 

Mackadamia gonna be Capt. Stubbing enough to turn this leaking like a sieve, one-man dinghy into The Love Boat flush with a few Julie McCoy's directin' offensive and defensive activities, some Isaac Washington's mixin' cocktails for the fans who are gonna need'em if Mack goes 1-10 his first two years like he did durin' his first visit, and a Gopher or two... hell, what team dudn't need a coupla Gophers!

Part of his success, or not, is gonna depend heavily on the assistants he'll be able to sucker...I mean  recruit... to come to the North Carolina Zoological Park known as Chapel Hill. It'd be nice to have someone on the defensive side of the football who gave a shit 'bout stoppin' the other guys and not waitin' for the offense and/or special teams to outscore'em!! BTW - Did you know Larry The Hat's defense averaged givin' up a hair over 29 points/game durin' his 7 years? That's gotta weigh heavy on the brow of yer offensive snowflakes knowin' they gotta score 4 TD's every game just to average losin' by one! 

Don't see what's wrong here. Sounds like my kinda class!!

Mack's also gotta deal with a whole 'nother generation of spoiled brats that'll challenge the patience and resolve of even the most upbeat sexagenarian (look this word up, I ain't talkin' 'bout Mack's bedroom activities here). He'll probably haveta create some new departments within the football program to babysit these no playin' idiots. We'll just call this first one the ANTI-AFAM DEPT. This bunch'll be tasked with assurin' none of these genuises are required (as in past administrations) to take any classes (like African American studies) just to keep'em eligible for at least three years (unless Slack-Jaw, Mouth-Breather okays it in writing or makes his mark).

Can you imagine how much bacon these guys coulda
pulled in if their record were 9-3 instead of 3-9???

Another needed department'll be called the WTF DEPT. Their main charge, along with many other idiotic situations that are sure to pop up, will be to check each player's equipment in and out of the equipment room so these knuckle-nuts don't break NCAA rules by sellin' their used AJ's for a coupla grand durin' or after the season (albeit some of the 2017 Playah's found some suckahs to pay 4 digits left of the decimal for used shoes from a 3-9 record season! 

Musta' taken that coveted Used Car Sales class durin' spring semester to pull this one off!).  

Not that I have any evidence of this (but why should I be held to a different standard than the news media. This is my blog and you're welcome to go f%&* yourself and quit readin' anytime, A**hole!!! Hahahaha, just kiddin'... OK, I can't lie. It did feel purty good to write that), but I think Mack and Sally are takin' the low stress, 5-year, $750,000.00 base salary and the $2 MIL in "supplemental compensation" to move closer to the NC/SC coast so it won't be that far to move when they retire there. Don't get me wrong, I think he could do UNC well durin' however many years he decides to stay. It all depends on how much lead he's got left in his pencil and whether or not he's more serious about buildin' a winnin' football program or drinkin' Mai Tai's on Kiawah Island!

Not the worst retirement plan I've ever heard!
(...but wash your toes Dude)