Time Machine

So the Tar Babies've decided to try the time-machine trick to resuscitate their gridiron program by liberatin' Mack Brown from his 5 year stint in "moth ball jail" (AKA - a talkin' head on some college football halftime show that, while on air skillfully breakin' down the first half, we're takin' a piss, reloadin' the chips & salsa bowl, and refillin' the empty 16 ouncer from the kegorator. See also: Tommy Bowden, Dave Wannstedt, Rex Ryan, Bill Cowher, Jimmy Johnson, etc...)!

I used to be here
awonderin' what I'sa doin'.....

                   

...now I'm here
awonderin' what I'ma doin'!

      

He put up a coupla 10 win seasons at UNC 2 years before Texas took out their 
money clip and slapped him around the room with it til he agreed to be their coach!

No caption needed

I reckon' the Tar Holes coulda done a lot worse. Mackadoo is a guy who possesses silver tongue pickup lines so smooth he could recruit the panties off Elle McPherson and all her model pals, has as many National Championship rings (1) as all the other current ACC head coaches...COMBINED (Dabo, of course, currently has one), and ended up doin' purty good the last time he was strollin' the sidelines in Kenan Stadium. 

Classic!

My first big ???? is, "At 67, after havin' been outta coachin' football for 5 solid years, is 

Mackadamia gonna be Capt. Stubbing enough to turn this leaking like a sieve, one-man dinghy into The Love Boat flush with a few Julie McCoy's directin' offensive and defensive activities, some Isaac Washington's mixin' cocktails for the fans who are gonna need'em if Mack goes 1-10 his first two years like he did durin' his first visit, and a Gopher or two... hell, what team dudn't need a coupla Gophers!

Part of his success, or not, is gonna depend heavily on the assistants he'll be able to sucker...I mean  recruit... to come to the North Carolina Zoological Park known as Chapel Hill. It'd be nice to have someone on the defensive side of the football who gave a shit 'bout stoppin' the other guys and not waitin' for the offense and/or special teams to outscore'em!! BTW - Did you know Larry The Hat's defense averaged givin' up a hair over 29 points/game durin' his 7 years? That's gotta weigh heavy on the brow of yer offensive snowflakes knowin' they gotta score 4 TD's every game just to average losin' by one! 

Don't see what's wrong here. Sounds like my kinda class!!

Mack's also gotta deal with a whole 'nother generation of spoiled brats that'll challenge the patience and resolve of even the most upbeat sexagenarian (look this word up, I ain't talkin' 'bout Mack's bedroom activities here). He'll probably haveta create some new departments within the football program to babysit these no playin' idiots. We'll just call this first one the ANTI-AFAM DEPT. This bunch'll be tasked with assurin' none of these genuises are required (as in past administrations) to take any classes (like African American studies) just to keep'em eligible for at least three years (unless Slack-Jaw, Mouth-Breather okays it in writing or makes his mark).

Can you imagine how much bacon these guys coulda
pulled in if their record were 9-3 instead of 3-9???

Another needed department'll be called the WTF DEPT. Their main charge, along with many other idiotic situations that are sure to pop up, will be to check each player's equipment in and out of the equipment room so these knuckle-nuts don't break NCAA rules by sellin' their used AJ's for a coupla grand durin' or after the season (albeit some of the 2017 Playah's found some suckahs to pay 4 digits left of the decimal for used shoes from a 3-9 record season! 

Musta' taken that coveted Used Car Sales class durin' spring semester to pull this one off!).  

Not that I have any evidence of this (but why should I be held to a different standard than the news media. This is my blog and you're welcome to go f%&* yourself and quit readin' anytime, A**hole!!! Hahahaha, just kiddin'... OK, I can't lie. It did feel purty good to write that), but I think Mack and Sally are takin' the low stress, 5-year, $750,000.00 base salary and the $2 MIL in "supplemental compensation" to move closer to the NC/SC coast so it won't be that far to move when they retire there. Don't get me wrong, I think he could do UNC well durin' however many years he decides to stay. It all depends on how much lead he's got left in his pencil and whether or not he's more serious about buildin' a winnin' football program or drinkin' Mai Tai's on Kiawah Island!

Not the worst retirement plan I've ever heard!
(...but wash your toes Dude)

  

Winnin' Games

Not that I give a shit 'bout Rutgers football, or Kansas, but I somehow stumbled across this this brief article in the link below 'bout how bad Rutgers played vs Kansas yesterday is typical of how myopic the view of most “sports writers” (and I use that term loosely 'cause this guy seems like one of those dudes who lives in momma and daddy’s basement) has become. Here ya go....

By James Kratch

jkratch@njadvancemedia.com

NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

LAWRENCE, Kan. -- That was as bad as it looks and sounds.

Rutgers football hit a new low on Saturday, grabbing the baton as the worst Power 5 conference team in the country after a 55-14 loss to national laughingstock Kansas at Memorial Stadium.

It was a truly ghastly performance by the Scarlet Knights. Rutgers beat reporter James Kratch and columnist Steve Politi were there to witness it, and they discussed their thoughts in the video above.

Politi: Chris Ash has no excuses for humiliating loss

Ash is in the first year of a five-year contract. He won't get fired. But he'll have a hard time recovering from this Kansas debacle.

Quarterback Artur Sitkowski struggled mightily in the game with three interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns. He's now thrown seven interceptions with three pick-sixes this fall. Head coach Chris Ash didn't commit to him going forward, but also made it sound like a change is not likely.

"We're going to have to evaluate everything that we've been doing, and we're going to evaluate who we're doing it with," Ash said when asked if he might sit the Old Bridge native.

"Art had a great week of practice, and it's not just Art. We couldn't run the ball. We've got to look at our o-line, look at what we're doing. Look at our receivers and see what the options are. See what we can do with what we have.

Sitkowski finished the game 7-for-19 passing for 43 yards before being lifted for redshirt senior Gio Rescigno in the second half. Rescigno went 7-for-12 for 77 yards in mop-up duty.

The score was 55-14 and James Kratch of nj.com writes 'bout how bad the Rutgers QB and coach are! At least the coach included his entire offense needin' further assessment in his answer to the one question Jimmy Kratch printed 'bout their shitty performance. The score was 55-14!! I’m sure the QB and offense sucked aplenty since they only put up 14 and turned the ball over for 2 Kansas scores. But their defense also gave up 55 points to same shitty Gayhawks team that's gone 3-33 over the past 3 seasons!!

Rutgers might wanna see if this dude can play DEFENSE

Just a note from the grandstands to Mr. Kratch & Coach Ash: if you give up 55 points to the other team, albeit at least 14 were due to “Old Bridge native” starting QB, Arthur Sitkowski, throwin’ pick sixes (coulda been more but Kratch didn’t have space in his terse article to mention it nor was I interested enough to try to find out), you’d be wise to wring yer hands over more problems than yer offense, and specifically yer QB! 

Too much defense gets you this in the grandstands.

You media guys decided some time ago that the QB, offense, and lightin' up the scoreboard was the sexy, fun stuff we sports watching dumbasses in the “they-get-distracted-by-shiny-objects” public needed to see to keep our ADHD focused for more than 20 seconds. That’s all fine and good but winnin' football games is mostly 'bout blockin' and tacklin' better than the other guys. I think that's gotten lost on the media, and thus, the public in general.

Granted, the rules've changed to make the game less physical and more accessible to puttin' points on the board faster than I change my unmentionables, but givin' up more than half a hundred every time out's gonna make fer a long season fer whoever's defense sux that bad.

While I'm at it (talkin' 'bout winnin' that is), what's the deal with all the sports talk/writer geeks bitchin' 'bout there not bein' enough "elite" teams now in the NCAA? Ya got yer Alabamas, Climpsons, Notre Dames, maybe yer Michigans or Ohio States, and yer poor old undefeated UCFs... but after those prima donnas, everyone else'll be sittin' at home on prom night eatin' bon-bons and twinkies to ease the pain of not havin' a date! I thought Nirvana was everbody finishin' 6-6, goin' to a bowl game, every snowflake gettin' a championship ring, and the school sportin' a trophy in the fieldhouse to show off to those future recruits they're gonna need to finish 6-6 again. Make up yer feeble minds, why don't ya???