Quick Hitters

This doesn't really need a caption now, does it?

Is it just me or is the whole damn planet waitin' for somebody to help Johnny Manziel grow up? That somebody could be next weekend when his cocky ass takes the field against Saban's Tide.  I wanna see'em do that money or autograph gesture again and get his ass flattened with a good blindsider! I think it'd be quite apropos for Little Johnny to get taken behind the wood shed for a good ol' country ass whoppin' by those generally well behaved young Southern Rednecks from Tuscaloosa. Probably just the thing he needs since he acts like he's never had one!

They ain't found no Herschel II and
neither has anyone else.

Huge early season game this weekend betwixt the Dawgs and Cocks. Whoever wins this one's in the drivers seat for the SEC East champeenship (no offense Florida fans but frankly, you have no offense). Neither team can afford to lose but especially not the Dawgs. If they start out 0-2 it's hello Capital One Bowl, again! No matter what the outcome I urge Georgia fans not to get their Dawg drawers in a wad and go callin' for Coach Richt's scalp ! After Vince's first 12 years he was 88-41, a winning percentage of 68.2 (Herschel hadn't enrolled yet). CMR is 118-40 for a win percentage of 74.7. I'd hang with'em if I were you. He might have a championship or two in his future.



I'm gonna lobby the media on behalf of the word "football" and request they not use it as Johnny's last name. I think it's demeanin' to the word and the sport it represents. Maybe they could start callin' em Johnny "Asshole" instead. Makes a lot more sense to me.

Everybody wants to be a QB.
C'mon Wilse, you're a center.

I saw where an ol' college teammate turned offensive guru turned head football coach at a basketball school  (he should be used to that bein' a former UNC footballer) Kevin Wilson took out some pent up 2012 frustration by 73'n to 35'n Larry Legend's Indiana State Sycamores last Saturday. 35's a lot to give up but if you're scorin' 73 the other guys gonna get his grubby hands on it a good dozen or so times even if you don't punt! That gives a lot of screwin' up opportunities to the defense. Hey Wilse, take it from a guy who's volunteer coached in high school for a couple years, control the ball on offense and DO NOT turn it over, have a great kickin' game, and put yer best 11 on the side of the ball that keeps the other team outta the end zone! You might win 6-0 or lose 13-10 but yer always in it. I got a feelin' when you start playin' varsity teams the points are gonna be harder to come by and 35 fer them'll be aplenty.

Three ladies on the
penalty/accounting committee,
no wonder he only got a half.

What'd ya'll think about that iron-fisted slap on the wrist the NCAA administered to Johnny A-Hole? Do they not know makin' a player of his caliber and fragile psyche sit out an entire half of football could cause him future mental and emotional issues? I think he experienced some "outta the spotlight anxiety" durin' the first-half-go-to-your-room punishment session and that's why he showed his bee-hind when he finally took the stage...I mean field. The head Nazis at the NCAA musta hada sit down with the accountin' department and decided that'd be all the punishment their bank account deserved. I wonder what's takin' em so long to figure the U's (Miami) penalty? Must be that Nevin Shapiro boy money whippin'em to " fa gedda 'bout it".

Aaaahh, niiccee!!

The sports media's created'em an early problem blowin' a buncha Heisman smoke up  the shorts of South Carolina's One Hit Wonder Boy. Jadaveon Clowney's an incredible athlete who hadn't yet learned how to go hard every play. He does make the highlight reel every time he plays to his potential. Unfortunately, that's between 3 and 5 unbelievable plays a game. He was gassed in the UNC game and it showed. If he has any pride at all he'll be embarrassed and motivated by watchin' film of himself standin' around suckin' wind. I hope he's not one of those fragile flowers like Johnny "Foot-Hole" . I wouldn't be surprised if the Evil Genius made a 10 minute film of him half-assin' it around the field and shows it to the entire team before every practice this week. Of course, Mr. Heisman would be in the front row.

Kevin Sumlin wishes...

Does Tim Tebow have another year of college eligibility? If not, maybe Texas A&M could hire him to mentor you-know-who!

Whoa, I can't believe they're
runnin' into each other like that!

I just found out Rece Davis is a Puss and is missin' an "E" in his name. He was whinin' like a soccer mom last weekend while commentin' on replays of perfectly clean hits in Saturday's football games. He's not only cryin' like a lactose intolerant baby but he also wants to be anointed Football Czarina so he can impose futher penalties on those boys who are knockin' snot bubbles outta their opponent's schnozes. Hey Rece, it's football! The players hit each other. That's why everyone watches. It's like a NASCAR race with a guaranteed wreck every 45 seconds or so. Listen Momma's Boy, nobody's makin' these guys play and it's not a secret you might get your nuts knocked up around your tonsils if you participate. Stop bitchin' 'bout guys playin' the game the way it's s'posed to be played and go find a woman's tennis match to find something wrong with. While you're at it, hunt down that extra "E" yer momma and daddy left outta yer name. You're no Elvis Aron Presley, pal.

That dudn't look all that bad.

Speakin' of big hits, how 'bout the NFL settlin' with those players who were suin' 'bout not knowin' that if yer head got hit by an oncomin' train it might give you a concussion that could have deliterious effects long after yer football career's over? That dudn't seem real smart of those former players who weren't aware of that. Oh well, they weren't too stoopid to cash those checks while they were playin' and they aren't too stoopid now not to hire'em some ambulance chasers to get'em another pay day! Hell, now I hear a couple former college players got them a shyster to bring a lawsuit against the NCAA for the same reason. I guess what's good fer the goose is good fer...hey...I wonder if I could get in on that. I've obviously got some mental complications based on some of the shit I write in this blog. Ouch, gotta go, here come those galdurn migraines again...