Don't be #5 or #69

It's that time again!!

Play-ahs = $$$

   Well boys and girls, it’s that time again. Those fellers who play the best damn game on planet Earth (my apologies to all the lacrosse players; that’s gotta be #1B) are crankin’ up their Bra & Panty practices to start prepppin' for the season. Y'all know about the B & P league don’t you?… No?... Well, that’s where yer crop of incomin’ recruits with their 4.35 40's, sportin' 38" + verticals, while pumpin' 500 lbs on the bench press look easier than passin' the 3rd grade start to get their Coach all lathered up about this ridiculous collection of athletic freaks takin' him, his assistants, and their "Real Wives of..." (insert yer own county, city, or state here) to the BCS promised land. No doubt the Ol' Ball Coach is countin' on bringin' home the crystal football and that wad of cash he's got in his contract fer it since Ms. Coach has threatened a divorce if she's gotta spend one more year in the squalor of that l’il ol’ 10,000 ft lean-to Coach has made her suffer thru all these many years. That just would't be right!

You got yer winners...

     Ah yes, but all those sugar plums dancin’ in Mr. and Ms. Coach’s heads are usually dashed away once those prima donnas stash their B’s and P’s back in the unmentionables drawer and get escorted onto the practice field in full battle regalia. About the time the live ammo gets to whizzin’ by their little helmets is when we start separatin' the Real McCoys from the pretenders who were yer former All-Every-Things at St. Mary's of the Assumption High School in Gumlog, GA. Yessir, this is where all yer look like Tarzans but play like Janes get exposed! Anyway, all these new boys ain't runnin'fer the nearest foxhole at the first sign of contact and it’ll be fun to see who's gonna make up the next crop of Badasses. I’m officially excited about the certainty of over-consumin' another year a college football!!

...and, well, you know

                                                                    

   Before I prematurely go pickin’ a few early contenders (which I will do in my next blog) I’d like to have a little Come To Jesus Meetin’ (a CTJM for all you Southern Baptists) with everybody 'bout this playoff that’s comin’ our way. I'm gettin’ this outta the way now so you’ll have time to get yer mind right before this shit happens… and it’s gonna happen!  So, in a coupla years it looks like we got this 4 team playoff comin'. I don’t have a problem with it. I actually like the idea. I’m just sayin'...and you can quote me on this... “Don’t be #5”,  'cause I don’t wanna hear you bitchin' 'bout how your team got screwed outta playin’ for the title!!

 
That’s right, we went and got ourselves 24 hours of sports TV, sports talk radio, sports websites, and sports ever-damn-thing and somebody’s gotta fill up all that dead air to pay the bills. What better and easier way to do that at the end of a college football season than to rile up a buncha football crazies 'bout their team gettin' excluded from an invite to the big dance? Them media boys know what gets our undies in a knot and it also saves them a helluva lotta show prep between the end of the season and a week or so before they kick off the first meanin'less bowl game. Just fan the flames of unfairness, sit back, and watch the phone lines light up! 

IUPU shoulda made it!

   It’s guaranteed that at least a coupla teams are gonna crap their diapers over bein’ left outta the playoff. Hell, look what a big deal Jay Bilas, Dickie V, and Digger make about who got screwed outta bein’ #69 in the basketball playoffs ! And all that hand wringin’ and whinin’ is for poor old #69!  #69?   #69!! We’re...talkin’...about..
#69! Really, you're snivelin' and whimperin' and yer # SIXTY FREAKIN' NINE?!?!?! (OK, I’m through with the Alan Iverson impersonation).

Rollie and his boys

But really, #69?? The lowest seed ever to win a NCAA basketball championship was a 7 seed. That was Rollie Massamino’s Villanova team back in the 80’s when they beat a heavily favored Georgetown. BTW - If they woulda drug tested that bunch like they do today, well… everybody on both teams woulda flunked!! Anyway, lookin' at it strictly from a competitive angle, they already got 32 teams too many at the end-of-the-year basketball party and we've gotta listen to bitchin’ about not invitin'  #69? What the hey? You got all season to be as good as you can be so don't end up  bein' even close to # SIXTY-DAMN-NINE!

Stop Whinin' Kid!

 
   We’re startin’ to treat the NCAA like our precious, little, spoiled kid's sports. You know, those kid games where all the moms sign up to bring an apres-game snack and every body gets a trophy? Pretty soon somebody’s gonna suggest we quit keepin’ score in the NCAA like they're already not doin' in those feel-good, kid leagues!! God forbid some child learn early what a shitty feelin' it is to lose.
  That’s OK Jackwagon, don't keep score! We'll still know who wins and loses. Just like those kids who currently don’t keep score know who wins and loses, as do their limp-wristed parents who suggested that numb nuts idea! Good grief, I've gone off on a tangent! Imagine that. Well, to sum up all that hogwash just remember, don’t be #5 in football or #69 in basketball. If you are, keep yer pie hole closed and go back to the drawin' board to figure out how yer gonna get invited to next year's Soiree!

Whew, I feel better now that I flushed that outta my system. Don’t you? 

Check back soon for some premature, irrational winner and loser picks.