Awright, awready! I couldn't stand it and had to write somethin' 'bout this thing.
I’ve heard enough 'bout this “Deflategate” bidness and still ain’t heard
anybody talkin’ ‘bout the real problem!
I get it that one of the NFL’s myriad of rules is that the relatively inconsequential footballs each team uses, and provides for themselves each game, need to be inflated to a certain PSI (in this case PSI definitely dudn’t stand for People Shouldn’t Interfere). This simpleton rule from a league that thrives on their fans givin’ up millions of their crisp, foldin’ wherewithal to watch their 11 slobberknock yer 11 every Sunday afternoon. I also get it that the New England Patriots got some history against’em 'bout rubbin' up against the peripheries of the NFL rule's encyclopedia (and all along I thought they was just competin'. As Harry Hogge told Cole Trickle in the 1990 movie "Days of Thunder", “No, No! He didn’t slam you, he didn’t bump you, he didn't nudge you…he rubbed you. And rubbin’, son, is racin”. And I also get that Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick, and the rest of the Patriot fanatics are gonna back Tommy Boy even if he was caught in the act chokin’ a hooker inside a house of ill repute just to steal her drug stash and get outta payin' after they’d bumped privates!
So what if Tom Terriffic
and a few of his equipment henchman decided to take a little air outta his balls? Maybe his receptionists like his saggy balls. If they can snare'em better I
can’t blame Mr. Brady for loosenin’em up just a hair. Oh yeah, they played an entire
half of football before it dawned on any of the Numbnut NFL Rules Enforcers to
think it might be a good idea to check Tom’s balls!! And the Colts had already been over their fondlin'em before the game and warned the officials that Tom was fiddlin' with his balls! How ‘bout that!?!? Who
knew the NFL was almost as inept as our gubment at enforcin’ the countless
rules they have on the books! Where the gubment goes one up on Goodell and his
boys is in the “OR WHAT” category.
The "OR WHAT" is the penalty one faces for breakin’ one of these dumbass rules. This is usually decided on by the rule makin' authority BEFORE
one actually goes and breaks one of’em! But no, not the NFL! They
just sit around thinkin' up a buncha ludicrous rules with no published record of consequences. At least
you know if you’re convicted of 1st degree murder you’ve got a more
than credible chance of bein’ put to death by lethal injection or becomin’
Bubba’s boyfriend for the rest of your sorry life!
I reckon Roger
and his boys didn't think anyone'd be foolish enough in The League of leagues to
break one of the 10,000 commandments which came down from on high; therefore,
they saw no credible reason to inform anyone in advance 'bout the "OR WHAT'S". Well, YOU'RE WRONG, Pigskin Breath! And if Belichick and Tom Terriffic’ll
do it you can bet there’s a buttload of other cheaters lurkin’ around in the
shadows! This just makes the NFL leadership look corrupt or at least doubly inept
as they end up sittin’ in The Rules Makin' Up Room where now they're wettin' a finger to check which
way the disapproval wind's ablowin' so they can make up some punishment outta the blue that’s gonna leave the smallest dent in the NFL
coffers or some such thing as that! Capisci? And I still
haven't gotten to the real problem, or better yet, the solution!! So here goes...
Goodell and his band of Do-gooders have all these rules to follow with no follow up to insure their bein’ followed!! Got that? In the ‘Saggy Balls” case, wouldn’t it make sense, I mean if it’s so important to have yer balls inflated, to simply send some overpaid, jock-sniffin’, NFL staffer down to each locker room before the game to pick up each team's balls and put the proper amount of air in’em themselves? The next time either team comes into contact with one of’em would be when the official handed it to'em on the field in front of 80,000 fans where there’s no immediate access to a men’s room. How hard is that?
Goodell and his band of Do-gooders have all these rules to follow with no follow up to insure their bein’ followed!! Got that? In the ‘Saggy Balls” case, wouldn’t it make sense, I mean if it’s so important to have yer balls inflated, to simply send some overpaid, jock-sniffin’, NFL staffer down to each locker room before the game to pick up each team's balls and put the proper amount of air in’em themselves? The next time either team comes into contact with one of’em would be when the official handed it to'em on the field in front of 80,000 fans where there’s no immediate access to a men’s room. How hard is that?
Because of all
this rule breakin' the NFL’s now got’em the never good to hear “-GATE” suffix associated with their league, their last year’s Super Bowl Champs fined a cool $1 mill, and their best player with the hottest wife catchin’ some vicious pine for the first 4 games this year (BTW - That's twice the number of games Ray Rice got for knockin' out his girl in that video taped MMA snoozer in the casino elevator! Really!?!?) . Let’s just say neither, Bob,
nor Bill, nor Gesselle, nor Tommy Boy’s gonna be happy bein' made an example of by the new and stricter NFL rules policies.
Listen Rog, here’s
my advice on how to run this little concentration camp you call the
NFL: Make a bunch fewer rules with some correspondin' stiff, but fair, “OR WHAT’S”. Oh yeah, have some processes and folks in place to administrate the few rules yer gonna have and always be sure to have
a pair of properly inflated balls handy so you and yer deputies'll be able to enforce the "OR WHAT'S" no matter who crosses the line. Believe me, if you do this, things’ll be much better
for you, the Pats, their fans, and the entire NFL!!
