F'in up F'ball

Ok, so can all us true football lovers agree that my little expose 'bout Soccer  a few weeks ago wadn't too far from reality?  If not, you must've had yer head in a 50 gallon drum of Pennzoil this football season or it's so far up yer politically correct asshole it couldn't be removed with an industrial strength head-from-asshole-removin' machine!

Like there ain't already enough rules against the defense in college and pro football, we gotta throw in a "Targetin'"penalty for good measure. Targetin' is now a penalty? Really? How else is a defensive player s'posed to tackle a guy with the ball? That's like goin' to a skeet shootin' competition and the officials tell you it's against the rules to aim at anything! This is one of those idiotic, subjective calls they give officials so they not only can penalize the defensive team fer knockin' hell out-of-an offensive player, but they can also eject the most feared hitter from the game!! Now that's horseshit on a rainy day!! This seems oddly similar to how cops pick and choose who to give speedin' tickets to as long as they get their quota at the end of the month. You think the refs get a weekly quota or am I just bein' too conspiratorial?

There's so many issues at work here I don't know where to begin. Let's see.....how 'bout we start with the big picture and work our way down. In short, the folks we got runnin' things are pusses. And I'm not just talkin' 'bout football here, it's from the Oval Orifice on down. There are entire generations, beginnin' with the offspring of the flower children of the 60's, who've been water tortured into believin' that a good ass whoopin' is not an option in an advanced society such as ours! I could expound ad nauseum on this little point or just tell you to stop readin' this and go to my "Blame it on Soccer" post to brush up on some background material before continuin'. Go ahead, I'll wait...........OK, now that we're all on the same page 'bout how a bunch of folks were indoctrinated into hatin' anything close to a game who has winners and losers, let's move forward.

Wonder how many years he got fer this one?

The more I consider this unbelievably stoopid Targetin' rule, the more it's hilarious to me. I mean I'm laughin' to keep from cryin'! And what's this insane rule 'bout not bein' able to hit a "Defenseless" receiver? Aren't they all "Defenseless"? I thought that's why they played receiver! What's next, give the defenders shirts with no arm holes so they have to trip the Prima Donnas with their feet? Naw, that's no good. One of those "defenseless" ball carriers could get a shin bruise or mess up a perfectly good pedicure.

Replay Official

How can anyone be expected to call this?

How on Judge Judy's earth can an official call one of these absurd Targetin' penalties that, as I understand it, calls fer a 15 yarder AND an ejection of the badass who laid wood to some ballerina, be reviewed by a nerd in the booth who can reverse the ejection part of the penalty but the 15 yard march off still stands??? Talk about a kangaroo court! Make up yer feeble, rule makin' minds here! Is it a penalty or isn't it? The guy is either goin' after a head shot or he's not! And what if the retriever lowers his head to protect himself and gets his melon whacked 'cause he put it in the line of fire? Should the defender've been able to anticipate that and aim somewhere else or are they gonna make a rule that the offensive guy can't lower his shoulders (onto which his head is attached last time I checked) to give the defender a clean target area to tackle? OUCH, talk about havin' blood in yer urine!

If yer gonna have this shitty rule then enforce the damn thing! If you don't eject'em then it's not a penalty. If it's a penalty, accordin' to how you wrote the rule, then the 15 yards AND the ejection stand. How hard is that? Holy crap! I'm all of a sudden havin' a flashback to how our current Dictator...I mean President...decides to enforce his signature healthcare law! Ya see where I'm goin' with this? Fine. But I'm continuin' anyway.

Maybe this version of football has a chance?

As I seem to remember, football used to be a contact sport. Now we got some pinheads tryin' as hard as they can to make it a non-contact sport. But see, we already got that. It's called flag football! If flag football were so damn special why don't we just turn the NFL into the NFFL and see how many advertisers and millions of folks line up to pay fer that crap. We don't have the NFFL 'cause we already know how many... ZERO! Every peckerwood on the planet can go to the park on a Sunday afternoon and stick hankies in their pockets and play. Rarely do you see 22 random guys get together on an autumn weekend to strap on the pads and start slammin' into each other at full speed. That's what makes the rest of us covet bein' able to watch "real" football.

Football, like almost every thing else in our society, is bein' ruined by a buncha lawyers. They're enactin' rule after rule to cover their client's assess in case one of these Johnny "Football's" gets hurt and Johnny's lawyer decides to sue 'cause there wadn't enough rules in place to be sure he didn't (see NFLPA money grab against NFL re: Concussions). And they do this under the guise of protectin' the players? Hogwash! If a Texas high school kid's mom'll file a "Bullyin'" complaint against another school fer kickin' shit outta her little boy's school 91-0, can you imagine how many folks she'd drag to court if he woulda been "Targeted" and injured by one of the opponent's bullies? Can you say Lottery Winner??

just a few more rules and...

The bottom line of my little rant is that football has now become another victim of Central-Control-Big-Brother micromanagin' things fer us idiots who don't know any better, while they go about writin' rules to protect their asses and assets. As the old football adage goes, "Offense sells tickets, but Defense wins championships"; so if you wanna sell some tickets you make damn sure the rules are in favor of keepin' the TD makers healthy so they can take advantage of the other rules that help'em put a buncha points up ever week. I'm sure the lawyer boys are already hard at work thinkin' 'bout addin' some more rules next year to straighten out some of the ones they already got! If we just hadda few more well thought out regulations this game may have a chance of survivin' it's barberic beginnin's!

Yer Out!

I gotta go now so I can witness the first defensive ejection of the weekend. Probly won't take long.