End of the World?

The world we now live in is in it's final days! In yesterday's UNC vs ODU football game both teams agreed to play 5 less minutes in the 4th quarter ‘cause UNC scored 80 in the first three and I guess neither coach had the stomach fer another full 15 minutes of it!

12 to zip, let's go home

WTF??? Really? I'm not sure I see the rationale other than both coaches, teams, and institutions are a buncha GUTLESS PUSSIES!! This reminds me of the mercy rule in little league baseball where they call the game if the other team's up 10+ runs after 5 innin's. Hell, this makes way more sense than shortenin' a college football game. Not that I'm worried about the feelin’s of those little snot nose, 10 year olds on the losin' side of the baseball score, but there's no time limit in baseball and mom and dad gotta get home in time to eat the dinner they're gonna pick up at the drive thru and put Junior to bed so they can knock boots before Dad crafts that email to the league’s commish expressin' his wife’s disgust 'bout how this hayseed operation’s bein’ run!

Last I checked a college football game's got (4) 15 minute quarters and then it's over unless there's a tie and they go into OT. What were the guys in charge thinkin' when they agreed to shorten this fiasco? The ODU coach musta decided to show his players the honorable thing to do. When gettin' yer ass kicked, thow up yer jugular and quit! You know, like when yer playin' Madden football on the X-Box and you click the restart button when yer gettin' it handed to ya early in the 3rd. 

Really??

Ol' UNC Coach Larry "The Hat" Fedora has obviously been schooled in in the "Carolina Way" and didn't wanna hurt the other teams feelin's by actually playin' the rest of the game! What a steamin' pile of Siberian sheep shit!

Are you kiddin' me? These are the guys in charge of moldin' the character of young men and they're teachin'em how to give up when yer down and feel sorry for'em when yer up? Call me crazy but neither side's got a valid reason fer agreein' to shorten the game. I woulda been more embarrassed as an ODU player to have my coach agreein' to shorten the game cause we couldn't compete than I would takin' a 200-20 ass-whoopin'! At least we woulda played to the end and not quit just ‘cause things got shitty.

   Is there a therapist in the house?
These boys may need some help

Bein’ a quitter’s like bein’ on welfare. It’s way easier than workin’ and ya just need to find some people in charge who’ll keep lettin’ ya do it!! Next time ODU gets down a couple scores I guess Coach Bobby “Bud Light” Wilder’ll huddle up the seniors on the sideline to see if they wanna continue or they’d rather hit restart and try again next week. Now it’s not a matter of IF they’ll quit again, it’s a matter of WHEN. And all the other teams that’ll play ODU this season and into the future’ll know it and’ll be lookin’ fer the jugular toss every time the Monarchs mosey on to the field.

Fedora not only did more to hurt the feelin's of the other team by agreein' to shorten the game, he also showed his players who he really is; NOT A CLOSER! There’s a right way and a wrong way to kick somebody's ass and there's no place for compassion durin’ the game. You got another 165 hours durin’ the week to empathize with the other guys plight and go to all the $100/hr therapy sessions you can attend.

Hell Larry, why didn’t you take the extra 5  (or even all 15) 4^th quarter minutes to give some playin’ time to the guys who practice all year and never get to set foot on the field? What about the fans who paid to come watch that hot mess? Did you consider refundin’ 8.33% of their ticket and parkin' prices since they paid for 60 minutes of football and only got 55, or less? Since the Tar Heels don’t warrant any TV time down in the ATL I heard a nasty rumor you had yer boys lay down near the goal line so they wouldn’t score again; even goin’ to the extent of takin’ a 5 yard delay of game penalty!! I know you thought you were savin’ those young boys on the other team some embarrassment but what you did actually had the opposite effect.

Now wait a minute… I might wanna change my mind about you, Lare. If I thought you were smarter and more tenacious you coulda been doin’ this to really kick’em in the coin purse. But that woulda been a move used only by real finishers at real football schools like Saban or Spurrier. Those guys’ll shoot you dead with a round of ammo and reload to pump another magazine into yer lifeless body just to be sure yer dead and you don’t ferget whose boss. Naw, that ain’t you Larry. Yer at North Carolina and they gotta a short rope around yer neck. Don’t wanna be outscorin’ or outshinin’ the hoops program either. Bet they never let you fergit that little factoid. I’d guess their payin’ fer ya to get yer Phd in PC (whatever that means).

The Holy Grail at UNC

Listen coaches, just coach yer team to play hard and improve every minute of every game and let the other guy coach his. Show yer boys you gotta pair when you stand up to those media meanies after you’ve played the entire game that just happens to end up in a route and tell’em somethin’ like this, “We played as well as we could  today and  we got to play a lotta folks who normally don’t get much, if any, playin’ time.  Our opponents got down early and had to deal with some bad breaks but they never quit playin’ hard til the final whistle blew. I wanna commend the young men and coaches from (insert university’s name here whose ass you just kicked) for a valiant effort. How this team reacted to adversity is proof of real character and will pay dividends for them on and off the field in the weeks and years to come.” Now wouldn’t that be a lot better than pussin’ up the game by shortenin’ it a couple minutes or havin’ a runnin’ clock in the 4^th quarter like Loouie-viille did against someone a few weeks ago?

I hope I get to write at least one more of these before the apocalypse. Gettin' this off my chest feels as good as finally pukin’ up that cheap liquor the mornin’ after you drank too much of it the night before!

F'in up F'ball

Ok, so can all us true football lovers agree that my little expose 'bout Soccer  a few weeks ago wadn't too far from reality?  If not, you must've had yer head in a 50 gallon drum of Pennzoil this football season or it's so far up yer politically correct asshole it couldn't be removed with an industrial strength head-from-asshole-removin' machine!

Like there ain't already enough rules against the defense in college and pro football, we gotta throw in a "Targetin'"penalty for good measure. Targetin' is now a penalty? Really? How else is a defensive player s'posed to tackle a guy with the ball? That's like goin' to a skeet shootin' competition and the officials tell you it's against the rules to aim at anything! This is one of those idiotic, subjective calls they give officials so they not only can penalize the defensive team fer knockin' hell out-of-an offensive player, but they can also eject the most feared hitter from the game!! Now that's horseshit on a rainy day!! This seems oddly similar to how cops pick and choose who to give speedin' tickets to as long as they get their quota at the end of the month. You think the refs get a weekly quota or am I just bein' too conspiratorial?

There's so many issues at work here I don't know where to begin. Let's see.....how 'bout we start with the big picture and work our way down. In short, the folks we got runnin' things are pusses. And I'm not just talkin' 'bout football here, it's from the Oval Orifice on down. There are entire generations, beginnin' with the offspring of the flower children of the 60's, who've been water tortured into believin' that a good ass whoopin' is not an option in an advanced society such as ours! I could expound ad nauseum on this little point or just tell you to stop readin' this and go to my "Blame it on Soccer" post to brush up on some background material before continuin'. Go ahead, I'll wait...........OK, now that we're all on the same page 'bout how a bunch of folks were indoctrinated into hatin' anything close to a game who has winners and losers, let's move forward.

Wonder how many years he got fer this one?

The more I consider this unbelievably stoopid Targetin' rule, the more it's hilarious to me. I mean I'm laughin' to keep from cryin'! And what's this insane rule 'bout not bein' able to hit a "Defenseless" receiver? Aren't they all "Defenseless"? I thought that's why they played receiver! What's next, give the defenders shirts with no arm holes so they have to trip the Prima Donnas with their feet? Naw, that's no good. One of those "defenseless" ball carriers could get a shin bruise or mess up a perfectly good pedicure.

Replay Official

How can anyone be expected to call this?

How on Judge Judy's earth can an official call one of these absurd Targetin' penalties that, as I understand it, calls fer a 15 yarder AND an ejection of the badass who laid wood to some ballerina, be reviewed by a nerd in the booth who can reverse the ejection part of the penalty but the 15 yard march off still stands??? Talk about a kangaroo court! Make up yer feeble, rule makin' minds here! Is it a penalty or isn't it? The guy is either goin' after a head shot or he's not! And what if the retriever lowers his head to protect himself and gets his melon whacked 'cause he put it in the line of fire? Should the defender've been able to anticipate that and aim somewhere else or are they gonna make a rule that the offensive guy can't lower his shoulders (onto which his head is attached last time I checked) to give the defender a clean target area to tackle? OUCH, talk about havin' blood in yer urine!

If yer gonna have this shitty rule then enforce the damn thing! If you don't eject'em then it's not a penalty. If it's a penalty, accordin' to how you wrote the rule, then the 15 yards AND the ejection stand. How hard is that? Holy crap! I'm all of a sudden havin' a flashback to how our current Dictator...I mean President...decides to enforce his signature healthcare law! Ya see where I'm goin' with this? Fine. But I'm continuin' anyway.

Maybe this version of football has a chance?

As I seem to remember, football used to be a contact sport. Now we got some pinheads tryin' as hard as they can to make it a non-contact sport. But see, we already got that. It's called flag football! If flag football were so damn special why don't we just turn the NFL into the NFFL and see how many advertisers and millions of folks line up to pay fer that crap. We don't have the NFFL 'cause we already know how many... ZERO! Every peckerwood on the planet can go to the park on a Sunday afternoon and stick hankies in their pockets and play. Rarely do you see 22 random guys get together on an autumn weekend to strap on the pads and start slammin' into each other at full speed. That's what makes the rest of us covet bein' able to watch "real" football.

Football, like almost every thing else in our society, is bein' ruined by a buncha lawyers. They're enactin' rule after rule to cover their client's assess in case one of these Johnny "Football's" gets hurt and Johnny's lawyer decides to sue 'cause there wadn't enough rules in place to be sure he didn't (see NFLPA money grab against NFL re: Concussions). And they do this under the guise of protectin' the players? Hogwash! If a Texas high school kid's mom'll file a "Bullyin'" complaint against another school fer kickin' shit outta her little boy's school 91-0, can you imagine how many folks she'd drag to court if he woulda been "Targeted" and injured by one of the opponent's bullies? Can you say Lottery Winner??

just a few more rules and...

The bottom line of my little rant is that football has now become another victim of Central-Control-Big-Brother micromanagin' things fer us idiots who don't know any better, while they go about writin' rules to protect their asses and assets. As the old football adage goes, "Offense sells tickets, but Defense wins championships"; so if you wanna sell some tickets you make damn sure the rules are in favor of keepin' the TD makers healthy so they can take advantage of the other rules that help'em put a buncha points up ever week. I'm sure the lawyer boys are already hard at work thinkin' 'bout addin' some more rules next year to straighten out some of the ones they already got! If we just hadda few more well thought out regulations this game may have a chance of survivin' it's barberic beginnin's!

Yer Out!

I gotta go now so I can witness the first defensive ejection of the weekend. Probly won't take long.